Fryed_Mind's Journal

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

11:10PM - Older

Does life exist when you breath in or out? What part of it makes you get older? Personally I think its the breathing in part - because when you are borne you take a breath and then you start crying. Prehaps that one is one the house, so to speak, and is really a tester. If you like it keep doing it - if you dont then die. Maybe the breathing out is where the getting older occurs. If you didn't breath out then you would stay young. I tried it but after about 3 minutes everything go black (and blank) and I wake up with a headache. Still when I look in the mirror afterwards I dont seem any older, but my eyesight could be failing.

Current mood: anxious

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Monday, December 2, 2002

10:36PM - The fryed mind is back

I'm not sure what to write. Usually it flows on to the page like blue fluid on a maxi-pad but today it is slow and thick - kinda like slowly congealing grease. Now I know insanity is not easy. It has been some time since I've had a good rant but I've been occupied, moving and eating. Mainly eating. Now I am getting fat and not the cool techno phat but the blubbery obese kind. I've noticed it is harder to get it off than put it on, but enough about my trousers. Time is on my side, well a little to the left of me, so this may be a long one. Well enough about my scarf. But where oh where to begin. I guess the end and work backwards as I've never been one to go with the flow. I don’t normally feel content, sure furry or slimy and even rough (mainly after drinking!), but content - well let’s just say it’s a rare thing. It could be as a result of changes in my life but I think it's because of a change in underwear. They are comfortable and roomy and smell oh so fresh - well they did before I put them on. Right now I wouldn't put my nose near them. It is the end of a long day! But the changes don’t just stop there! New socks - not just clean but new, virginal to the constraint of the shoe. Let me tell you that it wasn't long before I fixed that! Man did those babies scream - probably because the shoes were well used. Nothing changes a person like clean underwear and new socks - except changing jobs and moving house. Houses are heavy and moving them is a task that should not be taken lightly (smirk) and always, always bend at the thorax - if you have one. Jobs on the third hand are fussy and careful consideration and a fashion consultant should be mandatory before undertaking this task. Thankfully I got a fruity, sporty, classic, modern interpretation and should be set for the seasons to come. Well I have only 1 more thing to say is that my brain hurts - I know because no matter where it lurks I can hear its small mewls of pain

Live long and Fry Hard

Current mood: content

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Friday, September 20, 2002

4:56PM - INVISIBLE ENTRY

It begins










It ends


and heres a joke for all you psychics
...


Ha Ha Ha That was a good one

Current mood: confused

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Tuesday, September 3, 2002

5:54PM - The Machine

The Machine is a glorious mess. We are all a part of it. Like an individual cog in a watch, we perform a specific function. The Machine is so big that if a cog falls out or breaks it makes no difference. The Machine just keeps ticking. In many ways it is hive like but without the comraradary that occurs in such a community. The question I have is what is the purpose of The Machine. So far I have found no answer. At first I thought it was some kind of search engine trying to find the meaning of existence. This was quickly discounted as I noticed how poorly the people of the machine were generally treated and its actions were squandering the existence it was searching for. I then thought it was an attempt to add meaning to existence, but this was also discounted as if this is the case then a serious malfunction would be occurring as it does little to alleviate the drudgery of existence and in fact seems to add to it. I then explore a different avenue. I thought that it might be a product of existence, a complex interaction of events that have lead to the resulting mess we find ourselves in. This was my favourite until I came up with the true answer . . . ITS A CHEESE GREATER

Current mood: devious

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Monday, August 26, 2002

11:45AM - Relative

Lots of stuff is relative. Sanity is one that often comes up in my case. The way I perceive it is that sanity is measured in comparison to the average person. The average person in the larger community does not want to eat their own faeces, go on a murderous rampage, or believe that the CIA is sending messages via their fillings. In a smaller community this is not always the case. In a mental institution (nut house, looney bin etc) the larger population would be the patients and the smaller is the staff. If the level of sanity is then measured in that building only it is no surprise that the staff, being in the minority, are in fact insane and the patients perfectly normal. So this is one way that relative thinking shows that what we believe is true is not necessarily so. However if you look at the statistics on an average person you would probably prefer to be insane as it involves liking Ray Martin, thinking “A Current Affair” is a informative show, that John Howard should be PM and generally be a tool. Relative thinking can also work to explain bizarre concepts. An example is that a mouse is both huge and small. Relative to a bacterium a mouse is a massive creature, but in comparison to an elephant, it is tiny. Measurement of spaces is also a relative thing in a most unusual way. According to the metric system a meter is divided in to 100 centimetres, each of those is divided in to 10 millimetres, etc. If you look at it a set of two points can be continuously divided smaller and smaller to an infinitive amount. So a measurement is a finite space that has an infinite number of point with in that space or a finite infinite. Its bizarre but relative on how you perceive it. So where am I going with all this relative stuff? I just want you to realise that everything is relative to everything else. You could be having a great day. You get up to great weather, find $50 when your out on the street, go to the pub and pick up the best looking girl in the place. When someone asks “How was your day?” Don’t reply “fantastic” because in comparison to someone who won the lotto 17 million jackpot, slept with a supermodel, and lived better than a king, it wasn’t. Just reply “It was relative” because it was!

Current mood: bouncy

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Friday, August 23, 2002

2:50PM - Return of the ants

The ants are back! They have regrouped and returned in force. The ants were originally wiped out by the wasps. The battle was a slaughter as the wasps attacked the hive on mass eventually penetrating to the queen. Unfortunately this left me with a wasp problem and so I employed the services of some spiders. With cunning and wits the spiders overcame the wasps. This left me with a spider problem which was a big one as they totally freak me out (as you can imagine this is not pretty). So I got some rats, and then some cats. This was followed by a rabid dog which did nothing to the cats (apart from scare them away) but was such a messy eater that the ants came back for the food scraps. I set the dog free. It now roams the neighbourhood looking for small children to eat. But the ants remain. I got some wasps but the ants had aligned themselves with fire ants and so the wasps lost. So I came up with a cunning and devious plan. I moved out and left the ants behind!

Current mood: calm

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Monday, August 19, 2002

2:38PM - Today is a day of national fart ban!

"Today is a day of national fart ban! In the case of a fart telephone your fart department on 000" I hear over that radio. I am worried, very worried. Last night I had a very nasty dinner. It consisted of boiled cabbage, baked beans, and whole raw onions. I don't think I'll make it through the day. It's only 10:30 am and already my stomach is swollen. It makes gurgling noises in complaint. I try to distract myself by going out and visiting places most inappropriate to fart in. First stop is an elevator. I ride it up and down for what seems like hours. The gurgling grows louder until I am forced to move on by the accusing stares of the fellow passengers. I seek out another venue, one that has more background noise. A bingo hall looks good but after I the first round I am kicked out for false bingos. I protest that the noise is my stomach but my plea falls on deaf ears (literally). I decide to try a busy train station. Unfortunately the stationmaster is not to thrilled to have me "loitering" and moves me on. My stomach is rippling under the strain and I have to undo my belt and top pants button due to the swelling. I head for the safety of home and the security of some duct tape. This satisfies me for a few hours but unfortunately the swelling continues. The gurgling is now a rumbling and is becoming more intense as every minute passes. I don't think that the duct tape will hold. I waddle to the phone and call the fart department. "Fart Emergency what is the address please." I give the details and continue speaking to the operator. "Hold on please I'm dispatching a crew at once." "I'm not sure I can. There's too much pressure and I'm sure the duct tape wont hold." "What sort of fart is it?" the operator asks. "It's going to be BIG" I reply "Is it a chemical fart?" the operator enquires. "No it's a cabbage, bean, and onion fart. Please hurry I cant hold on much longer!" I cry. "A cabbage, bean, and onion fart? What the hell kind of fart is this?" the operator asks. "God damn it. It's a nasty one, at least I'm sure it will be." I reply. "Are you some kind of arsonist?" the operator asks. "No. I'm just a guy who had some nasty food last night. I heard the warning on the radio this morning and as I cant hold on any more I called you guys. Look this is going to be on nasty fart can you hurry it up!" I demand. "Did you say FART ?" "Yes. I heard its a day of national fart ban and in case of a fart I should call you!" "You freak! It's a day of national FIRE ban." "You mean I can fart then ?" "Yes now get off this line! There could be a real emergency." I hang up quickly and run in to the bathroom. I turn the exhaust fan on in the hope it will do some good and remove the duct tape. With a terrific ROAR and the sound of thunder I am relieved. I sink to the floor with a stupid smile on my face. I feel dizzy with relief, or maybe it's the fumes. The gas is methane and it fills the entire house. A spark from the electric exhaust fan set it off. "They should have sent the fire crew out I think as the fire ball turns me in to ash".

Current mood: drained

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Friday, August 16, 2002

4:20PM - My friend the fish

I watch a fish in a bowl. It swims around and sucks at the rocks. Then it swims around again. I think there are parallels between the fish's life and mine. I know I don't swim or live in an atmosphere of water, but I do like to suck rocks. I find the best is road gravel. Many times I have sat down to watch a movie with a bag of old road gravel. There is nothing like it. My sense of brotherhood rises as I also scales. Unfortunately they are not like the ones on the fish. They are the type that results from a nasty rash. Feeling closer to the fish I also realise that like the fish I like to move around in circular motions (I believe that the fish enjoys this and it's not because its in a round bowl). The fish and I have become great friends over the past few days. We enjoy many activities together. Abseiling, cliff diving and running are our favourites (although after the first time running I decided a bag was better than the fish bowl). I feel so close to the fish that I don't think we can be any closer. At this point I have a brainstorm. We can be closer. I now have a fish in my stomach. I can't see him, but I know he is happy. I believe my stomach is bigger than his bowl and I have eaten his food each day so he is well fed. I drink plenty water so there is no problem except how does he see the TV screen through my skin?

Current mood: happy

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Tuesday, August 13, 2002

2:15PM - My Brain Hurts

I have an itch. It's an itch that I cannot scratch. It's my brain. Somewhere in the more ancient regions, perhaps the reptilian part, something is causing an irritation. I put a pipe cleaner up my nose to get at it but even though it gets in far enough it keeps bending the wrong way. Now it is stuck. I tried to get it back out but I think it's snagged on something important. Everytime I pull on it I pass out. When I wake up I'm singing Gilbert and Sullivan tunes while doing the funky chicken. I keep doing this until I reach the final number from the Mikado. I didn't know I knew all the words and wanted to find out. "A coathanger may be more successful" I thought and so after straightening one I gave it a go. It also got stuck and with out satisfying my itch. When I pull on it I think that I am a feral cat and start to "scent" my room. Unfortunately I snag the pipe cleaner on something and end up chasing myself around the room alternating between a funky chicken singing "Three little maids" and a feral cat bent on tasting some sweet sweet chicken. When it all subsides, I try my trusty back scratcher this time through my ear. The result is somewhat expected. Again it gets stuck on something and when I try to pull it out I start to lecture in theoretical physics. I keep pulling as I find it a fascinating subject. After a few hours learning about the nature of the universe I get bored and stop pulling. Resolution is calling as the itch is more annoying. I seek my final solution. I grab a toilet brush and go for my unused ear. Finally I am successful, my itch has been scratched. Of course to follow the trend the toilet brush gets stuck. I think about pulling it and the suprises that will be revealed. Will I become an opera singer singing AC/DC's highway to hell? Will I become a preacher of god and free love? The suspense is killing me and so I pull. Sneezing violently the pipe cleaner shoots out of my nose and embeds it self in the wall, the back scratcher flies out of my ear and out the window spearing my neighbours racing pigeon. The coat hanger goes straight in to my foot effectively nailing me to the ground. The toilet brush is still stuck but at least it's handy if I get another itch!

Current mood: quixotic

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Monday, August 12, 2002

4:05PM - Unstable

Feeling quite unstable today. I got up and then I fell over, so I tried again but the result was the same. It could have something to do with my missing leg. I guess I should favour the other one. I hopped around my room looking for it but I couldn't located it anywhere. "A cup of tea always helps me think" I thought so I went and made one. Helpful hint : hopping around with a hot cup of tea is not such a good idea. With hot tea down my top I went back to my room to search for my missing leg. I looked under the bed, in the used clothes pile, even in the chest of draws - no luck. Eventually I decided it was time to get changed and start my one legged day. On changing my pants I found my missing leg. The sneaky thing had snuck in to the same pant leg as my other one. Prehaps they are having an affair behind my back. I hope not as this would be extreemly painful. Still I was happy to have both my legs in their proper place but I had the strange feeling one of them had been vioalted!

Current mood: bouncy

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Friday, August 9, 2002

2:51PM - Lions Tigers and Bears - OH MY!

I awake with a start, but do not open my eyes. I can feel its presence, but I do not want to see it. Time ticks away and nothing changes and so reluctantly I open my eyes. It is there of course, spread over me like an eagle about to dive on its prey. It's my insanity and just like an eagle it swoops. Enveloping me in it's presence I don't struggle. I know that I am caught. I feel lighter, happier and sadder. Life is a serious joke and a game that can not be won. I get up and stand in a bowl of cold jelly (put there the previous night for that exact purpose). I feels great between my toes. I sit down and rinse them in milk - unfortunaly it's fresh today. Sour is so much better. I get a fork and stick it up my left nostril. Eventually it stays there. Pinning a pink heart to the left shoulder of my bear suit I am ready. I open the porthole in to the other dimension and jump through. With a flash of white light I find myself on my way to work. Others surround me, each in there own suit. Some are also bears but there are many other types too. I notice an ultra trendy girl in a mouse suit. It's big feet and silly pink tail give her amazing appeal. I notice the shabby nature of my bear suit, in several places it is worn down so it looks like it has mange. If only I was waring a lion suit then I may have the guts to talk to her. I sigh and look away, a solitary tear runs down my fork.

Current mood: crazy

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Thursday, August 8, 2002

4:06PM - World Domination

I sit in the lotus position, highlighted by a beam of sunlight that has broken through the clouds. Many small cute animals come to me, sitting on my head and sholders and gathering at my feet. I am but a moment away from obtaining inner peace. Suddenly with the frantic energy of a shopahollic on a spending spree with someone elses credit card I start randomly biting the heads off the cute creatures. Fur and feathers surround me like a fog while blood slowly congeals at my feet. I continue until there are no more. Heads and bodies still twitching, some still spurting blood from hearts still beating. I smile and think of WORLD DOMINATION. I will achieve my goal, I will be the one on the top of the heap of mutilated and burnt bodies. All will fall before me and tremble at my wrath. ARRRRR ha Ha ha Ha!!!!! Suddenly something clicks in to place. This is not my dream, these creatures are (were) my friends. What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE ?!? I rise to get a plastic bag for the small, still warm bodies. "This is what you get for sleeping while standing on your head" I thinks as the last of the bodies enters the bag.

Current mood: pissed off

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Tuesday, August 6, 2002

12:22PM - Plink Plink Plunk

I wake up from no sleep. How does that work? Thankfully I'm not on the roof (due to the wasps) so when I just trip over my feet I land with no delay. It's nice down here now the ants are gone. Alas I have to get vertical and go and do the things that need to be done. Hopefully the shop will call today so I can get my elephan polisher. I so hate unpolished animals! I think I'll close my eyes for just a minute . . .zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I fly, I eat, I fart, I feel - but am I real?

Current mood: sleepy

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Monday, August 5, 2002

1:57PM - New Day, New Week, New mind

The wasps have started to win the battle, the ants are in retreat. Now I have a wasp problem so I think I'll get some spiders. My feet are still there so I have decided to believe in them. I'm not so sure about the rest of me because my leg is asleep with out the rest of me - how can that be?. I fell out of bed this morning - a small 6 ft drop but that's what you get for sleeping on the roof. It has it's good points. Pidgons can be good company and are great conversationalists. Let me just say Coooo Coooo Cooooooo Coo. A hint is to ignore the sparrows - they are so common with their tweet tweet tweeting. Bloody Collingwood fans!!! My elephant polisher is in the shop and so my elephant is looking scruffy (walrus is also shabby as the walrus attachment doesn't work without the polisher). They looks at me from across the room with a dejected expression. My weekend was filled with fun and games A woman slapped me at a bar. She said I got in the way when she did her gymnastics. I heard they are good places to pick up. Maybe next time I'll try one that serves alcohol and is not at a gym. Red Excel, a friend, is still in love with his phone and he isn't calling 1900 numbers. Where will it end? Marrage? I'm having putty for dinner and I am looking forward to it. Yum ! Chewy ! Today will be another day and I am sure it will be followed by tommorow although I hope that it's really the next day. Time is flowing in skips and jumps so I may be lucky. It could even be yesterday. An eye stare at me from the wall at work. Can it see or is it just there to be seen? I poke it just in case. I did this with an old boss once to see if the same was true, thankfully the eye did not fire me at least not yet. The password for today is gooogallly wooogallly ichi so my 6 month old neice says. Next time I may seek a more informed opinion.

Can the bluest blue be bluer?

Current mood: flirty

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Friday, August 2, 2002

2:57PM - Fizz PoP Bang - EXISTANCE

The ants are attacking again. Do they bite or sting. I think I should get some wasps to take out their Queen. Fuzzyness is pervading my life, either that or my eyes are crusted over from too much sleep. I dont know if I have feet anymore. I can see them but do they realy exist or are they just a conspiricy to make us buy shoes? The same cold follow for hands and gloves, bodies and clothes. Prehaps we are all just heads and the rest is fake. But what about hats? I heard somebody say "I have butterflys in my stomach" and so I ate some. I didn't notice any difference, they did have a nasty after taste though. I have to believe that life is a stage you go through. When do you hear the aplause? I have put my space helmet on but I have lost the key to the ship. Oh the unhumanity. I search every where, but in vain. Even my whistles don't trigger the key finder, but I don't have one anyway. I shall be late and have to reset time. Go through it all again. I don't want to so I'll walk, but can I without feet?

Current mood: energetic

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